Sunday, November 17, 2013

The 2013 Naughty List

2013 is no different - here is the list of violators of the Wilcox Rules, published here for public shame.

VIOLATORS
TARGET
Easily the naughtiest of the retail division, every week in October the seasonal section skewed further and further towards Christmas and away from Halloween.  There isn't even a Thanksgiving section.

Walt Disney World
Everywhere you go in the place that makes dreams come true I see nightmares.  Main Street USA was decorated for Christmas by 11/3.  Every day there's more and more decor or music being installed.

Kohl's
Garland with lights went up 10/26 in certain Kohl's department store.

My jerk neighbor, 3 doors down from me
He had a Christmas wreath on his front door before October was over.  Seriously?  We believed this man was a jerk before this incident due to his decision to yell at me while I was walking my dog, but then seeing this wreath up confirmed his naughtiness and his jerkiness.

My boss
I love my boss - I genuinely do.  However, after I was out of the office for a day, I came in to THIS.  WELCOME TO THE NAUGHTY LIST, MICHAEL KELLEY.

(Did you not get that issue of People where I was named Sexiest Man Alive?)
To his credit, he removed the decor before lunch - however that's like returning the money you stole from the bank.  You still stole it.


Crossroads - Orlando
The Crossroads shopping/dining center on Florida Highway 535 installed their "delightful" lights (timed lights that make it seem like two children are throwing snowballs at each others' faces) in early November.  These are activated and illuminated.

Hagan O'Reilly's shopping center
Christmas decor went up on the light poles of the parking lot prior to 11/8.

Sirius XM Radio
The 40's on 4 Channel switched over to an All Christmas format the second week of November.

Starbucks
Christmas Cups - as early as 11/1.

Wilcox Rules Warrior: Mr. Senior

I woke up this morning to 3 different messages along the lines of "I hope you're watching SNL" - so of course I had to go to my DVR and see what all the fuss was about.

I'd like to welcome Mr. Senior (Keenan Thompson) to the fold.  While I don't go around ripping Santa hats off of naughty list members, he's got the spirit I'm looking for.


Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Rules - 2013 Edition


Christmas is almost here... and it's only October.

  Several years after the fact, I still feel a major source of pride that Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampede went from installing their Christmas decorations on October 4, to October 11 to being shut down for good. Don't mess with Christmas. Or Texas. I couldn't imagine what a Christmas in Texas would be like if it's messed with.

  2013 marks the 6th year – which is the gift of Candy if you’re keeping track (so only Butterfinger and Reese’s, please – don’t you dare send me a candy cane in October). Every year I post these rules - usually around October - in order to spell out when and where you can and can't decorate for the upcoming Holiday season. (No, not Halloween. Or Thanksgiving. See, this is why we have these rules! I'm talking Christmas decorations, people!)

 I would – for like the tenth year in a row (even though this is year 6) like to publicly recognize Nordstrom's for their holiday decoration policy. You'll soon see signs that read:

"Dear Nordstrom's guest - You may notice there are no holiday decorations up in our store. Well, we believe in celebrating one holiday at a time. We will be closed on Thanksgiving Day to spend the day with our families, but will reopen the day after full of Holiday cheer and decorations - we look forward to seeing you again soon!"

  Well said. I cried when I saw that the first time... and every time after that.

  Please note the schedule for Christmas/Holiday decorations according to the Wilcox Rules of Festive Holiday Displays for 2013 - which follows:

  Assembly of large Christmas displays may begin November 1, however the lights may not be activated between the hours of 5 AM and 1 AM under ANY circumstances. Mind bendingly large installations like the Osbourne Spectacle of Lights or the decoration of Cinderella's Castle may begin in September - but should be invisible to the naked eye, and must follow the time restrictions. The only exception to the time restriction would be if the lights are not visible from public grounds, and the area is clear of the public.
  On November 17 outdoor commercial festive displays may be activated and illuminated for viewing, however it is not recommended. During this same time period, (the week of Thanksgiving) commercial indoor festive displays may be installed. Outdoor residential festive lighting and displays may begin installation, but may not be activated or illuminated. Protective barriers to shield the public from your displays are recommended. Festive music may begin to play on the radio (preferably satellite radio), but not on PA systems in public places (festive music in private places is unregulated. What you do in your own house is your business, however we in no way recommend or condone of such activity.).

 The day after Thanksgiving any and all festive displays may be illuminated and activated, residential or commercial. Festive music is also allowed to be played in public places. Game on, Christmas!

 At the end of the season music, displays, and any other festive season paraphernalia is to be deactivated or powered down no later than January 4th. The displays should be dismantled in a timely manner, no later than January 15 for residential and small displays, January 31 for major commercial displays.

 Special Articles/Addendums:

Indoors at Private Residences - We realize that not everyone can hold back on their holiday cheer. If a private citizen wants to decorate the interior of their house, they are free to do so at any time. This is a free country after all (it is still a free country, right?) Similar to the festive music in private places (Santa) Clause, these must be invisible to those outside your home.

 Hanukah (Chanukah) decorations are unregulated at this point. Not to be holiday-ist, or an Anti-Semite - quite the contrary. Due to the moving target that is the Festival of Lights, it is difficult to set a finite set of dates - one year it would be too early, the next not early enough.  This year it aligns with Thanksgiving - a sign that the Jews are on our side?  Or just a lunar fluke?  You decide.  Also - how many decorations do you see for Hanukah?  Sadly, not many.  In my hometown, Racine, WI, there was a neighborhood that went NUTS for Christmas - but not a single strand or Jewish décor (not that Racine, WI is "the promised land" - but still...) For the festival of lights, it's not very bright. We celebrate all Holidays with the Wilcox rules of Festive Holiday Displays – just at the proper time.

 Manufacturing Plants/Design areas

 We recognize that to make the season bright, we need people to help make the stuff that makes the season bright (And I'm not talking about Family, or children. I'm talking tangibles.) Should you work in a factory that makes Christmas displays, or in an area that prepares holiday decorations (WDW Holiday Services - a 365 day operation), you may display Holiday decorates for Test and Adjust purposes only. However, you should make every attempt to test A) Indoors or B) On a building, in a field, far away from civilization so that nobody has to see your Holiday products in April when you make them. If you require special permits, contact the department of Festive Holiday Display office. Be warned that the office has a heavy bias on denying your request.

Christmas in July
 No.  Just... no.

Limited Time Magic

See Christmas In July.


 See, isn't that better? I think we can all survive and thrive with this set of rules.

 To keep up with the latest developments, as well as check out the naughty list... follow me on Twitter at @JWWholidayrules or wilcoxholidayrules.blogspot.com.

Happy Holidays! (One at a time, please.)